Michael Hagan ’15
It has become clear to me that we need a more effective term to describe many Americans’ scandalous love affairs with their peacemakers. America, I give you:
Gunlust (n): an intense desire or urge to possess and be seen in possession of deadly firearms
And lust it most certainly is. The gunlust bitten American must be able to satisfy his urge on the spot; no waiting periods or background checks can stand between him and what he has his eyes on. In intimate moments when he holds the objects of his affection, he wants guns that move faster and last longer. It takes a semi-automatic weapon loaded with high capacity magazines to begin to satisfy gunlust. Oh, and it bears mentioning that with gunlust, size absolutely matters.
Gunlust turns gentlemen into scoundrels; it demands that you kiss and tell. People are possessed to share with the world that they are “packing.” You know the type; they’re the ones who post photo after photo of themselves with their guns on Facebook. They post radical propaganda echoing Charlton Heston’s notorious declaration from after the Columbine massacre, “From my cold dead hands.” It’s not just about the pleasure they derive from having guns; it’s about the sense of affirmation they get when other people notice.
Gunlust is an abuse of liberty. It is a stain on the second amendment. If Americans with gunlust acted on other liberties with similar recklessness, they would be burning flags in the street for the hell of it and parking illegally just for the opportunity to contest the ticket before a jury.
So to those absorbed in the vice of gunlust, my request is that you exercise a little bit of restraint and exhibit some maturity. I don’t know if you truly believe that you will personally save the world with your gun rack or if you’re just compensating for… something. Whatever the case, please keep the intimate details of your relationship with your guns to yourselves. Everyone has their interests and even their infatuations, but your compulsive need to proclaim yours to the world is really beginning to creep the rest of us out.
Tone it down for God’s sake; you’re not in middle school. But do consider the message you send to the children who are.